LELAND W. RUBLE
Brother Elijah J. Wobble is in the news again. Seen by a reporter for the Secularism Society of American (SSA), at a recent Tea Party rally, Pastor Wobble was dressed in a replica of the American flag and sermonizing to a small group of wild-eyed zealots, convinced, since the Obama election, that American was going down the tubes, and belief in God was becoming more and more irrelevant as a younger generation disregarded god-belief as a necessary, or even sane objective.
The not overly esteemed pastor, was spouting the usual nonsense about an impending Rapture—he claims he’s an authority on the “Left Behind Series,” authored by Tim LaHaye and his co-conspirator J. B. Jenkins—and has spent considerable time selling items on his radio program “The Voice From Beyond,” which, he suggests, are guaranteed to give one the necessary means to sustain oneself in case Jesus accidentally leaves you on earth to suffer all the consequences of the coming “Rapture.” “Sometimes, his… Jesus all-seeing eyes… don’t see everything,” Brother Wobble said.
Brother E. J. Wobble is extremely concerned in the meantime with the “degeneration of society” brought about he believes, by liberal politics, anti-godism and, of course, President Barack Obama’s policies.
An avid and daily fan of the egotistic, ultra-right blabbermouth Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and the openly idiotic Glenn Beck, these propagandists of an extreme far-right view of society, have become, besides the Bible, and the “Left Behind Series,” his main source of information. He’s sure, he has stated countless times to anyone who will listen, “That it is individuals like this who are really what’s needed to wake-up America and get us back on the right track.”
Brother Wobble doesn’t think they are propagandists or just plain crazy, no, he thinks, as he told an opinionator from FOX NEWS,”… they are voices of reason in an unreasonable, ungodly society.”
“Those people who think Glenn Beck is nuts, are the same liberal non-godists who have determined that Ann Coulter speaks with a forked tongue and sold herself to the media for the income it generates. Some even think she sold her soul to the Devil! All this opinionated nonsense comes from people who have never had a conversation with god. Never prayed. Think the Bible is a primitive work of fairy tales, and don’t even believe Jesus was ever resurrected, or, in some cases, if born at all, was not the physical conception of the Holy Ghost having sex with the Virgin Mary,” he concluded.
“If you really listen to any one of these shock-jocks, you’ll see that they are motivated by a theocratic, political ambition to bring back to America what the Puritans brought in the 16th century. If it wasn’t for the fundamentalist Puritans and their REAL vision of what America should have become before it took a detour, and under the evil influence and domination of the Devil, has instead been turned into a cesspool of liberal ungodliness, we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in.” Brother Wobble said.
When O. B. Dobbs, a biased reporter, asked Brother E. J. Wobble what he thought of the future of the USA, he had this to say: “Our morality has been tossed out the window. There are no more McCarthyites out there condemning those who avoid seeing evil in the American atmosphere. You see all these aliens from other countries coming here and rejecting American values. They bring their own religious values. For instance, there are Hindus who have numerous gods… some with lots of heads and arms. Then there are Muslims who worship an Islamic God who isn’t described as Allah in the Bible. Wherever they got the stuff they believe, it doesn’t make sense. Then there’s them Buddhist people who don’t even worship a god, but look for salvation in something… I don’t know what it is, that’s supposed to bring about nirvana. How can you idolize something that’s not in the Bible? It’s definitely aliens from other countries that are infecting our society with their own brand of religiosity. The god-devoted Puritans are now the Christian fundamentalists like me, who, if the public will listen, are the voices most tuned into Jesus’ profound message of salvation and prosperity. Most conservative politicians understand this in spite of being considered in some circles as hardcore theofascists.”
At the Tea Party rally, Brother E. J.Wobble had sat up a long table with pamphlets, booklets, and other religious memorabilia intended to influence others to his deluded perception of reality. His volunteers—called God’s Associates—were as zealous as Brother Wobble in volunteering to do the Lord’s work. Most of them agreed with Brother Wobble in volunteering to do the Lord’s work. They also accepted as fact that the Rapture was possible within their lifetime. And, of course, none of them wanted to be “left behind” because of a past crime, sin, or injustice they might have done in previous years. Having sought salvation in Jesus, they were more than certain they wouldn’t be left behind.
A former Mormon, Theodore I. Fink, who recently joined Brother E. J. Wobble’s “Church of the Never Closed Book,” said he became a member after accidentally reading an anarchist pamphlet that described the angel Moroni as an agent of the great Satan. The Mormon Church, it suggested, was out to take over the planet Earth by turning its converts into mindless robots without the ability to think rationally. He said he gave his underwear, Mormon literature, and other Mormon things to the local Good Will store, and became a convert after watching Brother Wobble rant and rave on his favorite Christian TV program TBN. He said he had a hard time convincing Lucy Jabberonski, manager of the store, to accept his Mormon underwear. She didn’t think many customers would be willing to buy used underwear. She suggested instead, that his underwear be used as rags for cleaning up oil spills etc. As for his conversion from Mormon to Christian fundamentalist, he said: “Brother Wobble really made me rethink my views on religiosity and all that other stuff,” he told secular reporter Howie B. Grapple who was busy video tapping interviews at the Tea Party rally.
On the subject of abortion, Brother E. J. Wobble said “… that women don’t own their bodies, god does. You can’t do things to a body that’s not yours in the first place. If God wanted too, he could have made you into a frog, instead of a man,” he told H. B. Grapple. “If you abort a fetus, you’re aborting a part of what God put there for reasons beyond human comprehension. You don’t try to comprehend God. He’s here, there, and everywhere. You can’t avoid him, even if you go hide in the deepest cave on earth. This abortion stuff is what makes fundamentalist Christians and right-wing politicians so furious that some of them resort to violence. I’m not for violence, but you can’t blame God if some zealous Christian goes off his rocker and starts shooting or bombing a clinic because his brain is overstuffed with images of a fetus being aborted. Remember, in the Bible, people were always getting mad at other people and resorting to murder in God’s name. Often it was entire tribes killing off the other tribe because so and so stole someone’s wife, sacrificed his neighbor’s goat, ate the wrong food, worshiped a different god, and in some cases worshiped no god at all. God got mad on many occasions, the worst being when he committed genocide by wiping out the entire population with a flood that lasted forty days.”
When asked what his opinion was on the subject of homosexuality, Brother E. J. Wobble became extremely agitated, and flopping both arms, exclaimed, “That’s one of the worse sins after abortion. If you’re attracted to someone of your own sex there’s something wrong with you. Satan is messing around with your sexuality. Making you do things that are disgusting in the eyes of God. God didn’t make man or woman to fornicate with members of their own sexuality. What do you think this planet would resemble if men were no longer attracted to women. There’d’ be no more babies and it would result in the end of civilization. Gays and lesbians don’t have babies when they do what they do sexually. Tell me, when was the last time a woman having sex with a woman had a baby? It’s the work of Satan, that’s what it is! We in the fundamentalist community are more than aware of the consequences of uninhibited homosexuality. If Adam or Eve had been gay, there wouldn’t have been a Cain, Abel, Moses, Luke, John, or any other esteemed biblical characters. In fact, the Bible wouldn’t have had any authors to write what they did under the divine inspiration of God. And can you imagine a Jesus never having been born because the Virgin Mary was inclined toward lesbianism and unwilling to accept being impregnated by a holy Ghost defined in the Bible as a male ghost, and because she preferred her own sex over the opposite sex? Being gay is ungodly!”
Not far from Brother E. J. Wobble’s table of anointed rapture zealots, was a group devoted exclusively to the nomination of Sarah Palin as eventual president of the USA. Mostly dressed (wrapped) in red, white and blue, and waving small flags made in China, they were sympathetic to Brother E. J. Wobble’s incomprehensible perspective of future doom and damnation. One man, wearing an Uncle Sam’s badge and a Bible under his arm, interrupted the reporter to say he had something he thought was newsworthy. “What’s that?” asked H. B. Grapple.
“I’d like to say something in defense of Brother E. J. Wobble in respect to the eventual possibility that Sarah Palin might become president. He supports her, you know, but he’s afraid that the Rapture might occur before she becomes an occupant of the White House. If the Rapture doesn’t occur and Palin is elected, this entire country will change for the better. She’s a Pentecostal you know, and those bible-believing people get real energized when the Holy Ghost enters their bodies. Can you imagine the Holy Ghost in the White House? Can you imagine it being there when there’s a meeting between foreign dignitaries? It would change the whole course of history! She’d also make sure that the Bible, God, and religion… the Christian kind… is once more the MAIN driving force in this nation. It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it!” the unnamed man said. “Even better, would be Palin for president and Glenn Beck for vice president,” he concluded.
Having seen enough frightfull scenes of extremely disturbed people, the reporter H. B. Grapple, decided in his own mind, that the people at this Tea Party, had conformed to a form of mass insanity sparked by the idiotic opinions and babble of deranged, paranoid shock jocks and Christian fundamentalist rabble rousers. Appalled by overwhelming evidence of people who most likely didn’t even know “what they were protesting, or why they were protesting,” the reporter wondered if this mania could spread and evolve politically and religiously into a new political party even worse than the Republican party currently dominated by a cabal of hardcore religiously and politically motivated theofascist conservatives.
Others demonstrating at the Tea Party, were a bunch of wild-eyed “birthers” who claimed they were totally unconvinced that Barack Obama was actually born in this country. They carried signs with “Nazi,” “Communist,” and “Socialist,” written in bold letters beneath distorted images of Barack Obama.
One man in camouflaged overalls and wearing a hunting cap, told H. B. Grapple, that he was more than certain the election of Barack Obama as president, was stolen with the assistance of “Acorn,” and other democratic operatives. “There’s no way an unknown man from Illinois could beat a known man John McCain and the most attractive Sarah Palin. The majority of the public is religious, and John and Sarah… especially Sarah, who drew huge crowds of flag-waving enthusiasts wherever she appeared,” he said.
After the usual assortment of right-wing politicians made their speeches, and invoked the crowd to continue in defiance of health-care reform, and anything else liberals propose, the Tea Party ended with a huge thunderstorm that had the crowd scrambling for their cars, trucks and whatever, to scurry back to wherever they came, to await in anticipation for the next occasion when they could protest democracy, and as most radio shock-jocks frequently say “… fight against humanistic liberalism and its diabolical motives to interfere with the godly motives of conservative political objectives.”
Brother E. J. Wobble told his helpers that the storm was an indication that the devil was responsible, mainly because God would not have interfered in such a glorious event. They agreed, as they hurriedly loaded all their god-stuff in several vans with the words “Jesus Saves” and “Prepare For the Rapture.”
Conclusion:
It’s my opinion that those who assemble at Tea Party events are very angry dysfunctional people disgusted over the fact that their nominees John McCain and Sarah Palin did not win the election. Their extreme hatred of the current President and the Democratic Party, is why they have chosen to participate and express their rage at Tea Party rally’s. They feel a sense of hopelessness and have turned to shock-jocks like Glenn Beck for solace and inspiration, and as a means to vent their misplaced rage, defiance, and expectation that through this method of public demonstrations, they can once again regain the status they previously enjoyed under the religiously oriented and imperialistic administration of George W. Bush. The fact is, that they are showing the world exactly what kind of utterly brainless fools they are, and gaining no sympathy from their outward displays of ignorance, defiance, and downright idiocy.
Tea Party people are delusional loud-mouthed nuts spewing anger.
Luckily, there are a lot of people equally angry at them. Which has to keep up to ensure liberty:
http://bit.ly/5K4TIZ
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